I truly believe in the common saying “you will appreciate something when your hands are already empty from it”. Why? Because I saw from a lot of people and from myself too the experiences of disappointments from a taken-for-granted style of life.
Let me tell you a quite-impressive-you-thought-I-made-up story of a couple whom I sincerely loved all the way. Here goes.
I rooted for this couple ever since. But I knew deep down I found myself not concurring to their own kind of love – the battle between selflessness and selfishness. Quite the contrary I expected, they lasted for almost 2 years and so. The love was gone long before they broke up. I didn’t know love could be that complicated. I always thought love was just like a bird humming – so peaceful and sovereign. I stood corrected.
They complimented each other so well I couldn’t think of anyone who could blend well with either of them. They loved each other to the extent of capitalizing secrets from their own kin. (oh! I am not new to that anyway, I understand the reason and all)
Love had found its way to misery and crooked deception.
However, twists of pain and agony had long kept them into staying within the relationship. One had started to lose her interest towards another. One had started keeping locks in the neck of the other. Everything was chaotic in a sense that they stayed in that relationship for what we, psych majors, described as “conditions of worth”. So much had gone as time passed by. So many feelings were already drained out from the other just because someone didn’t want to let go. Let’s name them as babe A & babe B so as to avoid confusion throughout the story. So, as I was saying, babe A had her own disorders but I’d like to keep those confidential while babe B had her own martyr-themed, selfless and painful endeavors I never did understand (sometimes). Actually, they are the epitomy of BAGS & LUGGAGE. Babe B wanted out and claim freedom which I liked to refer to as her BAGS but babe A refused to let go because she was still carrying a loadshit of UNWARRANTED LUGGAGE and I hated her for bringing Babe B to the misery she was drowning from long ago. But I still love them as friends, maybe not equally since I am forewarned by my emotions though. I won’t disclose all the information about their break-up but one thing I would love to share was their relationship was a titanic erupting from a skyrocket. A BLUR IN THE MOMENT OF ESCAPE. Didn’t quite understand my metaphors? Well, Go figure.
It started making sense to me that after all what you’ve done for someone, the final stunt will always be up to them. I’ve realized that you cannot command a soldier when he/she is directed by an army of emotions. YOU WILL ULTIMATELY LOSE. So I say to you, pack up and bring the wolves to the soldier. In that way, you are his/her stepping stone to pacifying the only weakness needed to lose, the fear of being alone. In my point of view, it therefore is a weakness I consider only the bravest and strongest conquer.
There is this life lesson I am still afraid to wise up is this: you get to maneuver your own ship or be ordered by the compass of somebody.
I think I don’t make sense. Or do I. Doesn’t matter.