Dichotomy of Self

I am a walking zombie
Yes, alive in body but sick and dead on the inside. I churn.

I am a hypocrite
Yes, hate the conformity but embraces it for self-search.

I have skeletons(TONS) in my closet,
Dare me not to spill it, I might talk about someone I used to know

I am paranoid and anxious
About the things I loved doing and hated doing

I am a lost follower
Defied no orders but felt incompetent

I am an oxymoron of hope
Sad to say I’ve lost myself and yet I thought I know myself all too well

I am a mystery dressed in dulled conundrum
Even the closest one knows not a true piece of my puzzle

I forgive but I curse, I regret but I cuss. What is my life: a big black hole.

My sins kept staining my pure red blood with black and splotchy drops of my dirty tricks and mindless mishaps.

I’ll be damned if I let sins slip right through my mouth.

What should I be if I couldn’t be the one I should be?

(I hope when my self is already established and I’ve found myself to stumble here and get to read this piece of crap my 21-year-old confused and worry-some teenager chooses to write and share.)

Dated: 11th November 2015, wednesday

Side effects: post-reading a supernatural/mystery/psychological/mindfuck genre of a book, namely, Mara Dyer Trilogy; sleepless for almost 4 days and counting; delusional and quite elusive; stressed but chose not to display wild acts

Description: lost and secretive

// no photo above because I want the words solely to be appreciated. No pictures to show what I really mean. I want you to feel the emotions based on your own perspectives! Stay H&H! God bless! 

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